"It's Called Sprung. What Were You Expecting? Another Ubisoft Triple A Title? COME ON."
by Lisa Foiles

Sprung completely changed my outlook on relationships and social situations. See, all this time I thought that simply being cordial, genuine, and honest would eventually reward me with the objects and men I desired. BULL. CRAP. All I really have to do is show a significant amount of boob and make seductive facial expressions. Duh. How did this not occur to me before playing this game?

Sprung is a bright, shining example of a game idea that was clearly brought up as a joke by an Ubisoft employee upon realizing the meeting where he must present a new spectacular DS idea started in five minutes and he was sickeningly hung-over from either banging strippers all night or filling up a storm drain with vomit while muttering something about Sea Breezes, it’s hard to remember. We’ll call him Thad.

Thad: Yeah, so, it’ll be a game about going to bars and hooking up with hot barely-legal college students while up at, like, a ski resort. With hot tubs. Yeah! And it won’t cost us a cent because it will just be the same animations over and over again.
His Boss: Hmm. I’m going to ignore the fact that you strongly smell of Sea Breezes and say that you’re really onto something. Now, what was that part again about it not costing us a cent?

Sprung is IDENTICAL to Mass Effect, save a few minor changes. You know how in Mass Effect you get to choose lines of dialogue? And the lines you choose ultimately determine the result of situations, friendships, and who you get to bone? You like that, don’t you? Yeah, you do! Well, you’re in for a real treat, unsuspecting gamer. Now, take everything out of Mass Effect except that dialogue-choosing feature. And instead of aliens, make them SEXY YOUNG ADULTS! And instead of guns, you have SHOES and MAKEUP! And PEPPER SPRAY (THAT YOU NEVER GET TO USE)! And instead of an IGN score of nearly ten, make it a FOUR!!! Which, quite frankly, is EXTREMELY GENEROUS!

Let’s get down to brass tacks, whatever the hell that even means: Sprung is a series of social situations played from the POV of either a hot blonde or a dude. You choose. Each situation has a goal, such as “Get Conor to Ask You Out” (Translated: “Get Conor to Totally Have Sex with You!”). Sometimes you should be nice, sometimes you should tell lies up the asshole, and sometimes you should call your friends sluts. There’s really no way of knowing which method to use, which is why the game should have been called… “TRIAL & ERROR (WITH BOOBIES!)” So, there, that’s all you have to do: Replay social interactions many, many times just to figure out what the other person wants you to say. ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE REAL LIFE?

Sprung is not the worst idea ever conceived. It’s bad, but it’s not exploding neck-veins bad. Let’s just say I’m not going to call Sprung up to come over and drink margaritas and watch Grey’s Anatomy or anything, but if I had to be stuck with it in a room alone for two hours I wouldn’t kill myself.

P.S. You never actually get to ski. TOO BAD FAHR YOO!

Overall Rating: 2 out of 10