"Okay, We Get It. The Prince is a Cocky, Arrogant D-Bag."
by Lisa Foiles

I hate to admit that I haven’t played or witnessed anyone play any of the previous Prince of Persia games, and you most likely just lost respect for me. However, I still feel qualified to review the fourth installment since it is separated from its predecessors with a brand new storyline and main character. And oh, what a character he is…

My favorite part of the entire game is the title screen. HA HA HA. No really. When you first put the disc in, “Prince of Persia” shows up on the screen in this elegant font in front of a beautiful Persian landscape with the most lovely Arabian-esque melody playing while flower petals dance across the screen. I almost couldn’t bring myself to continue on to the actual game. As you can tell, the levels are silly and goofy, which is all well and good. However… midway through, the game takes a drastic turn into the realm of uncomfortableness. It seems harmless enough; it’s a Christmas-themed level! Oh, joy! Maybe the agents will help with Christmas shopping! A little girl wakes up and comes down to the table to see her mom. She starts talking about her daddy and how excited she is about seeing him for Christmas. Then, the mother, looking forlorn, explains to the little girl that Daddy’s not going to be home for Christmas…or ever again. Though not mentioned, it’s assumed that, Daddy is, in fact, dead. Level start.

For a quick summary, you are a prince who finds this princess whilst on some random journey in the desert, you get caught up in her drama involving her wigged-out dad and her entire kingdom becoming corrupted by an “evil force,” and adventuring ensues. Only several short minutes into the game, you will find yourself in a state of realization, saying, “Wow. The Prince character is the biggest fictional narcissistic a-hole since Tony Stark, except far less likeable. What a complete toolshed.”

Okay, so he’s handsome, muscular, and not too bad with a sword. Please read the following information according to your gender:

LADIES: You know when you’re at the gym and some huge, beefy meathead of a jock dripping sweat walks over to you or another female victim, wipes his brow, leans up against the nearest object that will hold his burly weight, and says, “Hey. Do you work for Cingular? ‘Cause you’re raisin’ my bar” or something equally as unattractive? Yeah.

GENTS: If you act like the Prince in Prince of Persia 4, you will never get laid by anyone with an I.Q. in the triple digits.

Even Elika the Princess is odd in the sense that she refuses to haul off and smack that smirk off the Prince’s face. This baffles me. She keeps trying to talk sweetly to him and go along with his bullshit. Talk about a weak woman who is going to be alone and crying next week wondering why she told him her pin number.

ON TO THE GAMEPLAY. It’s gorgeous. The art style is one of the most unique I’ve seen, next to No More Heroes on the Wii. The character motions are fluid and impressive. With their swift acrobatics and smooth climbing abilities, Spider-Man should fear the prince and princess as competition. If you know me, you know I hate reading in games. I prefer a game with constant action where I can shoot, punch, kick, and slice without any questions asked, not an episode of Reading Rainbow. (Mostly why I’m not a huge fan of RPG’s.) However, excluding the lines where the Prince is a special-order-only brand of prick, the dialogue is cute, informative, and not terribly drawn-out. I like it.

Aside from the Prince’s attitude, my biggest beef with this game is the repetitive action. It seems like all you do is run, jump, climb, skid along cliff walls with your metal claw, collect sparkly orbs (WHAT IS IT WITH VIDEO GAMES AND ORBS?), and avoid enemies that resemble tar until the tar morphs into some monster that you battle. That’s basically it. Over and over and over.

I’m not saying this game isn’t great, I’m just saying it has issues - issues that probably exacerbate females more than males, so being a female, they exacerbate me. (STOP GIGGLING.) I definitely recommend the game because it has a certain uniqueness to it, and by uniqueness I mean it’s not a WWII shooter.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10