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Devil May Cry 3 - "Freaky Peeps Gets Dead"
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Dante:
I’m too busy being shirtless to think of a name for my business! |
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Chair:
Ouch, you kicked me, but it was sexy!
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Arkham:
I have weird eyes. Hi there, DANTE, SON OF SPAAAARRDDAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Dante:
Hey freaky-peeps, if you gotta piss, go in the back. And stay away from my pizza! |
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Amulet:
Sparkle sparkle. |
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Arkham:
Your brother told me to Hulk-Smash your desk and give you these pet demons as an invitation to his Doom Party. |
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Demons:
Eat scythe, pretty boy! |
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Dante:
Let me pull a Fonze on this jukebox real quick so we can fight to metal! LET’S ROCK. |
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Demons:
Growl… |
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Virgil:
I am brooding on a giant phallic tower. Arkham, did my bro have the shiny thing? |
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Arkham:
Yes. It looks quite fashionable on him. |
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Virgil:
Don’t be gay, Arkham. |
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Lady:
*CRASH* MY MOTORCYCLE CAN FLY AND IS EXTREMERLY DURABLE! |
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Dante:
I’LL GYMNASTICS OVER YOU IN SLOW MOTION TO MAKE THIS SCENE EVEN MORE UNREALISTIC! Let's date. |
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Lady:
Taste rocket, Cockfag! |
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Virgil:
Looks like we have an uninvited guest. With boobs. |
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Arkham:
She has freaky eyes like me but is definitely not my daughter. *Cough* |
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Jester:
YOO-HOO! WELCOME TO HELL! I AM UNBELIEVABLY IRRITATING! |
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Dante:
I hate you with all my hate. *KOW-KOW-KOW* |
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Jester:
WAH! I’M STILL COLORFUL. |
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Rudra:
Look at the pretty boy, Agni. Steroids much? |
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Agni:
Or perhaps his hyperviolent masculinity and theatrically-excessive styles are undercurrents depicting Kamiya's personal desire for such superhuman machismo. |
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Dante:
Shut up, shut up, shut up! Your synthesizer voices PISS ME OFF! *swishswish* |
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Agni:
Dick! He is the chosen one! |
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Rudra:
CAN GO WITH YOU? |
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| Dante: Shut your fat cake-holes! But sure. Why not. Just don’t expect to be shown in this game again. |
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Arkham:
Well, well, well, if it isn’t my funky-eyed spawn. |
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Lady:
You killed my ma, you freaked-out maniac! Go to hell! I has gunnnsss!! |
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Arkham:
Book to the face! |
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Lady:
CRAP I FALLING. |
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Dante:
Hey, I can see up this rain’s skirt! Ow, it shot me in the head. |
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Virgil:
Dante! Admit my hair is better! |
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Dante:
Up yours! Also, this party sucks ass. Let’s kiss and make up. |
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Virgil:
MANLY FIGHT! |
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Fan girls:
*Swoon* |
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Virgil:
I can’t figure out why you don’t want mega powerz! |
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Dante:
Have I mentioned I don’t like you? |
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Virgil:
*STAB* NEENER NEENER I GOT UR NECKLACE. *STAB AGAIN* |
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Arkham:
Do you have the necklace? |
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Virgil:
…Yes? Did you not see all the stabbing? |
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Dante:
Since we’ve already established earlier in this game that stabbing me does nothing, I’M ALIVE, BITCH! Where you at? I’m cranky. |
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Red blubby thing:
Blub. *BURST* |
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Lady:
That red blubby thing just birthed you! |
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Dante:
We should totally date. |
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Lady:
Ew, no. You smell like blood and beef. |
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Dante:
Pffh, whatever, LADY. |
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Fans:
OMG foreshadowing! |
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Nevan:
I am a blatant rip-off of Poison Ivy. Wanna talk sensually and look at my boobs, Sugar? |
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Dante:
Does your back ever hurt from arching it like that, Schnookums? |
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Nevan:
Hell has amazing chiropractors, Teddy Bear. Also, I breathe electricity. |
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Batman:
Did I miss my entrance? |
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Dante:
I kicked your dumb ass, gangrene whore! Now, turn into a completely useless weapon and say something with a clever double meaning. |
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| Nevan: I’m a guitar. And your father was a handsome devil. |
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Virgil:
I have a strong suspicion that the girl with your identical eyes is somehow related to you. |
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Arkham:
Poppycock! |
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Virgil:
I grow weary of your ugliness. *STABBY STAB STAB* |
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Lady:
My teenage angst causes me to jump to conclusions! You killed my father and know nothing about family! |
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Dante:
Your sadness is super hot. But I’m outta here. |
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Arkham:
Mary, *glurgle* the devil made me kill your ma. |
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Lady:
I totally believe you! I hope not finishing you off doesn’t turn out to be a problem later. |
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Fans:
*Facepalm* |
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Beowulf:
RAAWWRR!!! I kinda look like a cave troll but I’m NOOTTT!!! |
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Dante:
Didn’t your mother teach you how to use a door? |
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Scriptwriter:
…I was having an off day. |
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Beowulf:
You gots the stank of Sparda! Smells like bacon! |
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Dante:
Next time I’ll wear some cologne! |
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Scriptwriter:
…a REALLY off day. |
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Jester:
WAHAHA I’M BACK TO SAY SOME DIALOGUE THAT CONTAINS THE PHRASE THICK SHAFT! |
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Fans:
lolz. |
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Virgil:
Stupid necklaces! Stupid blood! Why won’t you make evil magic go?! |
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Dante:
What’s wrong, cranky bear? Let’s fight more. |
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| Lady: I somehow knew to come here! |
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Jester:
Time to tan your hide good n’ proper, you meddling girl! |
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Lady:
Holy bat shit! You are also my father! The audience totally didn’t see that coming even though you also have the crazy eyes! |
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Fans:
Well played, Hideki Kamiya. Well played. |
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Lady:
I guess I should have ignored my overly caring girl emotions and finished him off earlier. |
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Dante:
Yeeeahh...
Stand back while I take care of this. |
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Lady:
No, YOU stand back. |
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Dante:
No, YOU. |
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Lady:
YOU! |
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Dante:
YOU infinity. |
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Lady:
Crap. Can has my giant gun thing, DANTE. |
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Dante:
Okay… LADY. |
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Fan girls:
Aww. |
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Arkham:
You and your brother will NEVER defeat me! |
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Dante:
Virgil, let’s work together as brothers because it’s the predictable thing to do. Remember that thing we used to say? |
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Virgil:
PICKLEWEASEL! |
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Dante:
JACKPOT!
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Virgil:
Oh. I meant jackpot. |
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Arkham:
Dammit, you defeated me. *Glurgle* |
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Lady:
Ima kill you now for realsies! You’re the reason I have to wear colored contacts to look normal! *KOW-KEH-KOW-kehkow* Now I’m happy-sad. |
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Virgil:
Gimme jur necklace, you selfish man-whore. |
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Dante:
I know you are, but so am I! *SWISH-SWISH-STAB* |
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Virgil:
DAMMIT! Now I will plunge myself into hellish darkness because I’m evil but then rebel against evil because I don’t know what I want! No one hugs me. |
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Lady:
Can has gun back? |
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Dante:
Can I perform some sexual favors in return for your gun-lending generosity? |
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Lady:
... |
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Dante:
Don’t look at me because there’s rain all up on my face. |
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Lady:
You’re crying, you crying crybaby! |
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Dante:
That’s wack. Devils never cry. |
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Lady:
Ima say the title of the series now. |
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| Dante: *sniff* |
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Fan girls:
Awww it’s sweet because he has feelings but he’s a asshole. |
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Dante:
And now we FIGHT MORE!! KOWKOWKOWpewpewpewSWISH |
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Lady:
Now I will attempt to connect this game to the first game while we all pretend the second game never happened. Dante named his business... DEVIL MAY CRY. |
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Fan girls:
Awww it’s sweet because that phrase was said a few sentences earlier. Can we play DMC4 yet? |
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Fin.
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